Wang Taei Lee: Communication

Differences in Communication Between Men and Women

Family is not only a place to eat, to sleep or just a shelter; instead, it provides safety, happiness and development for everyone. Most men and women agree with that, but according to Deborah Tannen's research, a sociolinguistic approach in his book " You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation", men and women have two major differences in communication which often break up the marriage.

First of all, the way a man or a woman listens to each other is apparently different. Women look at their partners when they talk. They make more listener-noise, such as "mhm", "uhuh", and "yeah" to respond someone's talk. On the other hand, men always keep silence at home, looking elsewhere or do something else when their wives talk to them. Actually, that doesn't mean they ignore their wives. Furthermore, their expectations are different. Women always have their expectation in conversation, they need their husband's eye contact and physical alignment in response while men interpret a stream of listener noise as overreaction or impatience. When most women's talks are assumed to express agreement and support, many men see their conversations as pointing out other side of argument.

Secondly, Deborah Tannen said in her book that men and women have their differences in communication from their early teen's. Boys have more hierarchical concern when they talk and have more inclusive games when they play; this not only affects their attitude to listen when they grow up but also most importantly gets them into the habit of switching topics. Therefore, boys tend to jump topic to topic, but girls tend to talk at lengh about on one topic. There are also some linguistic differences between them. Women create and maintain the intimacy by exchanging words, there are more suggestions in women's talk while men have more defence and aggression in their topic-changing conversation.

In conclusion, Deborah Tannen's study gave every family a great lesson. Husbands and wives need more understanding about the differences in conversation between genders; then accept them so that the conflict in family might be decreased to minimum. As a matter of fact, I still believe that family is the most important value in this world and needs to be protected now.